Its Gaurav's birthday today.

These days I often think about my childhood..more specifically the two years I spent in Trishur. I really don't need to qualify that period in any other form. In my life, no other years will be called "the two years".
It could be the rain...it could be the loneliness...it could be the presence of so many mallus.
But basically everything seems to remind me of those days.
The sharp piercing cold damp air on my skin.
Smell of rotting hay and mangoes.
Irritating specks of dirt between toes and the discomfort of water filled boils on a five year old’s tender skin.
Water droplets glistening on green leaves.
Chechis filling one with awe and wonder with their pretty bangles and big girl clothes.
Chettans showing you magic tricks, scars of battles and shortcuts to heaven.
Lonely evenings when everyone decides you are not good enough for them.
Peanuts eaten out of paper cones and evening walks to the children’s park.
Loneliness..loneliness eating out your heart’s core.
Anyway that’s what I have been feeling for the last few days. Terribly lonely. Like a death instinct it drives me away from warmth and solace. I seek it.
I run away from warmth and comfort.
I seek dampness, discomfort.
Warmth gives me a headache.
And I suffer…
Unable to speak
Unable to write
Without knowing the tale
Unable to cry.
Its just an oppressive weight on my soul.
Yet one that in spite of the constant state of excitement it leaves me in, is welcome because it makes me whole…